How I became more radical in approximately five minutes

"You have absolutely no sense of self-worth do you?"
"Nope."

I went to say hi to a friend, and I was walking home and I suddenly understood radical feminism. I always thought that some tenents of radical feminism, more specfically radical lesbians were extreme, such as claiming that as long as women have relationships with men then sexism will persist. I looked at it the wrong way. I thought they meant society as a whole. I had an epiphany on the rain in the Florence streets: it is men that destroy me. Saying men sounds weird, but boys sound innappropriate. How about "it is humans with penises somewhere in their twenties or late teens that destroy me." I don't think I'm ugly or stupid or fat, but two people have said I have low self-esteem this week. The first, one of my professors who said that, "You're an intelligent girl, there is no reason you need to act like a ditzy female, you need to have enough confidence to say what you want to say without being silly," and the second the friend I went to see who said I had no self-worth after questioning whether or not he actually likes it when I come to say hi to him. They were both right. I didn't argue. I know I have low self-esteem, I know I come off as having low self-esteem. But why do I have low self-esteem if I can look in the mirror and think that I can look okay and I don't need to radically change my appearence or diet compulsively, and I know I am atleast somewhat intelligent? It's because of how "humans with penises somewhere in their twenties or late teens" make me feel. They make me feel inadequate, as if the attributes I have are not good enough, like I will never look good enough, never be thin enough, and oddly enough, never lack enough intelligence to appeal to them. I bet you want to argue the last part, but let me explain. Intelligence is good in a long term relationship. Intelligence is not good when you just want to have some fun and the person you are just having some fun with overthinks everything and then goes and write poems about it and can name several books and short stories that remind her of the situation. I don't want to stop having relationships with "humans with penises somewhere in their twenties or late teens" though. I am not sexually attracted to women. I'm not sure what to do. I'm sick of "humans with penises somewhere in their twenties or late teens" having the ability to do this to me, but I don't know how to stop it, if outside the realm of relationships I am a confident person. This reminds me of something that Robin Metz (a creative writing professor at Knox) said of the characters in one of my stories, that was actually me: "She's completely capable in every aspect of her life except with boys."