Monday, April 30, 2012

One of my favorite things to do is throw away food that has been expired. Perhaps I should be ashamed that I let food expire, that I do not eat it all before the "use by" date. Sometimes I cannot find the date stamped on the package and I throw it away anyway, assuming it must be bad.
No stress fracture on the x-ray, but I have to stop running for 2-3 weeks and go to physical therapy and when I run again I have to run ridiculously little distances. I don't know why running makes me feel worthwhile, I'm not very good at it and I don't go very far, but it must because when I don't run I feel sort of worthless and lazy even though I swim and bike and do yoga and weight training.
Instead of going to yoga, I get to go to the doctor and probably have her tell me to stop running, which I won't.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

I think feeling impatient and feeling excited are often the same thing. I could say, "You are making me impatient." Or, "You are making me excited."

Friday, April 27, 2012

Friday mornings always sound lovely in theory, but in reality I just end up lying around for too long and feel sort of terrible.
Sometimes feelings are really overwhelming. It would be easier not to have them, but some things would be less nice.
The other day I was teaching an adult class and they started asking me if I had read any good books lately and I named what I had read recently, mostly short stories as this is what I prefer to read and they asked me if I had read this Ann Pachett book, which apparently all of them had read, and all I could think was of that puffy inflated font on really poorly written books that people buy in airports and for the beach, and then I sort of hated myself for thinking about that, because how do I know what's better, I've never read Ann Pachett, how do I know she's bad?

Friday, April 20, 2012

I made this awesome trail mix for the Hunger Games tonight. Swimming, going out to eat with my favorite person, Hunger Games with my awesome trail mix, it's more like the Full Games. 
I am so restless today. I tried watching the Swedish version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, but I couldn't focus and so I tried to read Tree of Smoke by Denis Johnson, but this was a mistake as I can never focus on this book. I don't really want to read about men and war. The only parts I like are the parts with women and it seems silly to read 600 to just look for women. Then I bought Miranda July's No One Belongs Here More than You and remembered watching Girls last night where I recognized the cover of Tao Lin's Eee Eee Eee and felt a little embarrassed. I read the first story of Miranda July's book and realized I had read the story before, liked the story before and thought about writing myself, but didn't.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

I'm trying to tweet more. Follow me. 
I think one of my neighbors has started an exercise routine of jumping up and down repeatedly.
When I was thirteen I found a love letter my father wrote to my mother shortly before their divorce on an old work laptop that I had taken as my own. At the end it said, "I love you more than I can ever say," and it was from this sentence that I first began to understand language or love on any level even though my parents still proceeded to get divorced and I don't know if my father ever gave her that letter or had even written anything else in his life.
Sometimes I like to go back and read my blog and edit the many typos.
Fruits I've eaten this week: mango, pineapple, grapes.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

I am excited for tomorrow, where nothing unwanted will occur in my mouth and I can work and draw and read and go to yoga all day long.
Going to the dentist. I feel so sick.
I just want to snug all day long.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

It took me 25 minutes to bike the distance it takes me over an hour to run. I am not a fast biker and thus I can only conclude that I am the world's slowest runner.
I hate taking pictures, but I like looking at them a lot. I think I'm going to replace the lost memory card on my shitty camera and take more pictures.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Tax day last year I was just excited for The Pale King to come out. Now suddenly I am having all these economically conservative thoughts about how I hate taxes, even though in theory I like taxes, I just can't deal with the reality of the tax forms. They are written by people who don't have any friends, so they don't know how real people speak.
Sometimes I think we become giant infants. We treat ourselves like we are so fragile, like if we don't eat every six hours then we will simply perish and become unable to function, even though there are people everywhere that have been starving for years and for awhile anyway, they are still alive. I woke up this morning and the side of my foot hurt, because the side of my foot always hurts, and my nose was stuffy and thought, "Today I feel sick, I deserve to stay home and rest," but I don't really feel very sick, my nose feels mildly unpleasant and my foot hurts, but it always hurts. Maybe we should just do better and sit in unpleasantness, be hungry.
Gloomy Friday. Envelope under the door about moving or extending our lease. They would deliver it on Friday the 13th. I just want to stay here.

Bright side: Sushi with boyfriend tonight.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

My muscles are so sore and tight that I can't move.
Sometimes I feel like everyone is more together than I am, but really I am doing okay. I'm going to grad school, I have full funding for grad school, I'm in a really good relationship, I am satisfied with my friendships, I have a very poor paying job, but it's a job, and I am almost done with my taxes.
Forgot my sports bra when I went to the gym. I was feeling pretty bummed about it, but then I read something sad and it made me realize that everything is okay and I can just go running slightly later than I was planning to.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Even my dad and my brother are boring and annoying today.
Easter is really boring when you are 24 and an atheist and have no family.
I meant to get up and paint, but instead I read some Denis Johnson and fell back asleep and had a nightmare that I don't remember anymore.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Also this is the first Saturday of 2012 that I am not spending with a particular person due to work schedules and it's sort of sad and I thought about making plans, but mostly I am just tired and am going to curl up in bed and watch True Blood.
"When you're trying to be an independent adult it's hard to admit that your happiness is dependent on another person."


Friday, April 6, 2012

This is how it would feel to date a vampire; always waiting for the sun to go down.
Writers like to write about people who fuck writers because we all want to be fucked.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

If you feel shitty or sad or even wonderful, look at this picture and you'll feel better.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

I was really crabby yesterday and then I took a really nice walk to Crosby park and the co-op and made a really tasty pizza and had a really good time.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Feel really guilty about not running because it's too cold and I slept poorly last night. Want to post things on facebook to try to make people reassure me that it's okay not to run. Might text dad and make him tell me it's okay not to run.

Monday, April 2, 2012

I need to clean and get my life together after spending all of yesterday hungover in bed.
Sometimes when you like a person a lot you mainly think about them during yoga and not yoga itself and fall over a lot.
Writing things no one will read always. In this way, I am very excited for grad school.
Remember my crotch numbness from biking? Someone did a study on it for me. Sadly, my bike already has high handlebars because I don't like bending over that far, so basically I just have to deal with crotch numbness. Also, if you are a hardcore biker, you likely bike much more than 10 miles. I'm a pretty pathetic biker and I usually bike at least 30 miles a week.