Thursday, May 14, 2009

I told the counselor that I feel apathetic and she told me I'm just not as anxious or depressed anymore.

On a side note: When I was in Italy and I was depressed, I read all of the awful novels my host mother had, like Shopaholic, etc. It made me feel better because when I'm thinking about shoes I am not thinking about awful things. Lately I've spent a great deal of time watching awful television shows. I am not even going to tell you what I'm watching, it's too embarrassing. Any ways, this made me think of certain people I've met in life, who focus greatly on current pop culture and seem less concerned with questions of their existence. Usually these people and I do not become friends. When I meet these people I wonder what they think about and then I realized what they think about: they think about shoes. They think about inconsequential vapid things, only working themselves into an emotional state over relationships, because that's all that matters in the vapid world that quickly turns into the world of a soccer mom. Of course, this is a vast generalization of people that I've never met. Also, I do the same thing.

German is beginning to affect my ability to communicate in English.
I can't tell if I'm happy or not. I tried to write an essay on happiness my senior year of highschool. I never finished it. I always finish everything. I couldn't, because it was too confusing. It go too convoluted until I didn't know what I was writing about anymore.

Maybe instead of trying to write I will go watch vapid television.

I miss people in St. Paul so much.

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