Also, I was feeling good until a friend of a friend started talking about boys and feeling shitty about boys and I don't feel awful, because the thing is, really, I didn't tell people about it because it was ridiculous and embarassing and I know that's mean, but fuck that, it's mean to dump me for your fraternity. I just miss people. I'm so good at that, missing people. I get into habits, patterns and when those are broken it hurts and it doesn't mean I wanted that much, I never want that much, it just seems like that, always. I am too sincere, eager. But really I am nervous because I am scared because I cannot deal with feelings and life is easier when I don't care about anyone that can hurt me like that. I'm so tired of being hurt like that, just stop, please? I'm only kind of pretty and only kind of nice, I'm not worth it, so just don't hurt me, okay?