I hate the fucking residency permit application. So far it has cost me $146 and many days worth of time.

Sometimes I still feel like I've five years old and it's just an accident that everyone is treating me like I'm twenty-two. I saw the honorary Austrian Consulate today. I am too little to be doing this.

I have never been so happy to find myself at the gym in my life. I smiled at myself in all the mirror. I rejoiced when a very large woman walked in so I didn't feel like the largest person in the room. I was much less happy when my abs and hamstrings hurt a lot, but I was still in a great mood by the time we left and went to the grocery store.

5 beers deep, going to do a core workout. I need atleast seven beers to be drunk, so I'm good right?

I wonder a lot what type of girl I am, as though that can be defined simply. I didn't wonder this when I was in a relationship for a long time because I was one of those girls who was in a relationship for a long time and that's just how it was. Now I wonder it frequently. I think I am feeling inadequate at being whoever I am supposed to be.

Last night I was walking my dog and it occurred to me that walking him was one of the few things that kept me happy and from missing everyone too much.

When I went to visit Danny at Carleton we discussed how people are like animals. We eat and then wait around so we can eat somemore and sometimes we mate, but that doesn't happen nearly often enough.

Someone just articulately explained how I feel while getting over someone (not that I am particularly getting over someone at the moment, it was just so good):

"But I just want to be miserable over someone else."

My mother on my brother's behavior:

"I don't know why he keeps doing those triathalons, they make him so tired."

Remember how I posted about my mother constantly trying to feed me? I got to her hospital room and she offered me everything that she ordered for lunch and went on and on about being worried about me starving.

It's my first day to sleep in snd my mom calls at 10 AM from the hospital, asking me to pick her up immediately. My dog, hearing that I am awake has a heart attack of joy and starts sliding around my wooden floor. So much for sleeping in.

I would like to note that when my mother is home and not in the hospital we have a very good relationship. I come home usually between 11:00PM and 3:00AM and often she is still awake and she offers me food and I say no and then she starts listening off other foods that she could make in the future and I say that sounds good and she tells me how cute I look and that is the end. If I am home during the day, the routine is pretty much the same although sometimes I accept the offer of food and she talks about how cute I am for longer as my look has not been rumbled by the evening yet.

I'm developing these cute little muscles from my cute little bicycle.

Well that's that. Atleast I'm being honest with myself.

Watched Pride and Prejudice while drinking gin gimlets with Jenny tonight. Started crying when Mr. Darcy proposes for the second time. The reason that story is so great is that it shows a bunch of males presumably acting shitty and then they all apologize and say it's out of love. This never happens in life. Thus the tears and the messed up knitting.

I am going to ride my beautiful bike to Borealis (a yarn store) and listen to Caroline Smith because she matches my bike so well. Hopefully this will not kill me.

I have no work until Monday June 5th.

I need to stop writing flash fictions about people I know.

I am jumping through hoops to get my residency permit for next year and it is making me tired. Other things making me tired: little sleep, not receiving text messages until the day after they've been sent, approximately 500 people in places that are not here that I desperately want to be here. Okay, this list is probably more like 20 people, but that is a huge number.

I've been feeling very confessional lately.

The Austrian Visa application is a terrifying form in German.

My legs hurt so bad from my bike ride yesterday. It's really intense that amount of pain that I am in just from biking.