My roommate is half asleep on the couch. He has said:

You're cute, there's a cute boy in my dreams. 

Make me a baby. 

Will you make me a pelican baby?

Ringo has an accent. 

That was really mean, I'm sorry. 

Am I douche bag? 

Hehehehehe. 

(Tessa: He's lost his mind)

No, it's right here, it's in my head! It hurts!

If I sleep right here, will it hurt?

But it already hurts!

Tasha, I don't know if we can do this

It's really hard to eat lobster with this fingernails

Would you ever date a scally?

British people who are kind of skatery. They are your type actually

Will one of you fuck me please?

(bare ass)

You can use a spoon

Hehehhe

Spoooon. 

And a multitude of things I don't remember because I am betrunken. 

Also, I hate people. 

And like people. 

It's like when you get crushed you get crushed forever and never return. 

I want it to be Friday and go to the Twin's game.