I accidentally left one of my burners on and the fire alarm went off. To remedy the situation I opened all the windows and tried to fan the fire alarm, but I accidentally hit the fire alarm and now I can't get it back on because it's too high up. Bummer.

New life plan: I am going to become one of those indifferent human beings. I quite like indifferent people. They are perhaps my favorite kind of people, which always ends terribly for me. Thus I am going to become one. Never mind the fact that this is something I have desired for years, for perhaps my entire life. Lately I've been thinking a lot about myself as a child. I always had a lot of friends. Sometimes though, certain girls would be mean to me until I cried. There was no reason for it, they just knew they could make me cry. I understood that they were just trying to make me cry, which made me really angry and when I get angry, I cry. Maybe that's why I haven't cried for the past couple of days. I am just complacent and not angry. When I am sad I watch television shows. When I am angry I cry.

Also, I have like a billion potatoes. What can I make with potatoes?

I wonder if when actors are killed off in television shows they experience a death.

How to feel better:
1. Tell yourself repeatedly that the thing making you feel bad isn't making you feel bad at all, but something else entirely.
2. Watch a lot of television shows. They are better than movies because they take less concentration.
3. When waking up in the middle of the night or the early morning continue to watch television shows.
4. Tell everyone what's wrong, but tell them you are okay and it doesn't bother you.

I say all these things about being dysfunctional, but this isn't true. When I'm upset I tend to get hyper functional.

I feel mostly okay, but I'm sort of dreading the shower. The shower is the one place where there is nothing to distract myself with.

"Tasha, you can't just distract yourself all the time and expect yourself to be happy. You have to actually be happy."

I want to watch endless episodes of 30 Rock and pretend this is reality.

Maybe I am not sad. Maybe I am just neutral. I sort of hate being neutral. I have this theory that I've had a lot of really enjoyable times in my life, thus when times are less enjoyable I fall into a minor depression because life seems so not fun. I want to read a book. I want to read 5 books. I have two books to read. Neither of them are the type of book I want to be reading right now.

I don't want to go home so I am sitting on the computer at school. Paaaaathetic.

Teaching a class with a cough:
Open your COUGH books to page COUGH COUGH COUGH and look at COUGH COUGH exercise 3 COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH.

I brought my knitting to school today.
 'Was strickst du?'
'Handschuhe.'
'Sie heisst mittens? Hahahaha'

'What are you knitting?'
'Mittens.'
'My son is learning to knit. Knitting is harder for boys.'
'Oh.'
'There is an island in South American where only knit.'
'Oh.'

I woke up half an hour before my alarm went off. Wrote a sonnet for my double sonnet crown. I now have three. They are sonnets only in that they are fourteen lines each. I feel sort of terrible, but it's the type of terrible I cannot pinpoint. I have nothing more to think about. The sadness just sits there and doesn't say anything. The conclusion I came to last night was that very few people have actually broke my heart, I just miss warm bodies.

I feel completely non-functional. The next few days of my life: curled up in ex-boyfriend's sweatshirt, t-shirt, and shorts, watching things, if I can find things to watch. Maybe I will buy a movie or two. I don't even know where to buy movies.

I like being in houses. I also like being in cars. It makes me feel at home in ways I never am otherwise.

In 3rd grade my teacher had a little basket of jelly beans and whenever I got the chance I would steal one. Eventually, I ate all of them. I don't know why I'm thinking of this now. I got two hours of sleep. Had post-drinking/overthinking insonia, had still drunk walk to the trainstation at 6:30 in the morning, had best shower ever for the fifteen minutes my hot water lasts, wrote a letter that will never be read. On the brightside, life will only get better.

"I knew that Ivy, like every woman, really only wanted to know what I felt - or thought, if I didn't feel anything."

Max Frisch, Homo Faber

While recognizing that this is horribly sexist, I must point out that I find this to be true. I constantly want to talk about how I'm feeling or you're feeling or if neither of us are talking or together I think about what I'm feeling or you're feeling. This of course is an absolutely terrible way to live, this constant assessment, how am I feeling at the moment. I would prefer to think in terms of activities like, I will now do this activity or that activity. Things I am not saying: I would really like to see you this weekend.

I'm really excited for the next few days. This is good.

I have a piece of glass embedded in my foot. A glass shattered on my floor Monday morning and in everything that happened I forgot to wear shoes in my kitchen and now there is a piece of glass in my foot. It only hurts sometimes. I don't know how to get it out. I've tried using tweezers. This is so awkward.

Also, it's snowing.

Pretending I'm happy when I'm actually feeling really awful makes me feel sort of miserable.

I am going to wander around Linz alone. I am going to buy a book. Maybe other things. I am going to sit in the bookstore and read. Shit.