My bike got stolen. I loved riding my bike. I rode it everywhere this summer. I really think that people shouldn't steal transportation. I was locked to the bike rack. The lock is still there. I'm guessing they cut through it. I called campus safety and they said that a lot of times bikes get stolen and then they get dumped across town somewhere. The police are coming next. I hate it when people do things I don't like. I hate feeling this upset about something that someone has done to me. I would rather it be raining or something that I can't blame on a person.

I read the same books of poetry over and over again and listen to the same songs over and over again and every time they are completely different as if I had never read them at all and every time they are perfect, as if they knew what I needed and comformed to that. You know what I mean?

Here is a really lovely poem by Pable Neruda. I stumbled across it one day. It reminded me of a time when someone asked why I loved them and I couldn't figure out why so I made up a list of adjectives, none of which were true.

When I drink too much caffiene it makes everything feel warm in an unpleasant manner, even though my skin is cold. I miss a lot of people, but I feel like there is a reason we're not talking right now. I want to talk to a lot of people. I just want to talk.

I also think that all of my favorite people are also my least favorite people. In a good way.

Go to Writer's Forum. Today, Alumni Room. 4 PM. Laura's reading and I'm introducing her.

Also, go to Writer's Forum May 10th. I'm reading. No excuses.

The poet in me is wounded I think.

I am writing prose though. Prose about wounded poets.

My favorite people are really just the ones that tell the best lies.

I am strangely cheerful today.
I'm going to Des Moines tomorrow.
I'm triyng to finish both midterms that are due on Tuesday so that I can have fun all weekend.
For some reason the term seems almost over even though there is a month and a week left.
I am homesick and I like it, because before I was "somewhere other than home or here" sick and I am not one for taking adventures all by myself, though in a month I can start filling out an application to go to Austria.
I think things will be okay, I just don't know when.
Everyone in the G-Burg is in a relationship except for me and I don't really care, except I must a little because I had that realization, but only a little in that now I will have even fewer people to spend time with.
I went from having zero community service hours last week, to having seven and a half this week. Look at me help the community.
I like fall weather because I have cute boots, a cute jacket, cute scarves, and cute hats and all of that makes me feel cute and I like feeling cute, so you better not tell me I look otherwise.
I like to romanticize everything I do, even if what I am doing is drinking tea by myself. I turn off some of the lights so things seem more surreal.
I wish I could drink coffee and then I would drink endless cups, but it makes me crazy crazy.
When I am happy, I am always happy inspite of something.
Maybe that's why I couldn't be happy before. There was no one I was spiteful towards.
That's all.

I cry over nothing and then when something happens, I don't feel a thing. I get upset over the fact that I don't care, but not actually upset over the thing itself. This is what happens when people are unhappy.

I'm not sure what this means.

I wrote a post and accidently clicked to leave it.

Thank fucking god.

I almost told the truth. Wouldn't that be awful.

I went to the Humane Society today and walked dogs. I wish it wasn't so sad. Whenever anyone walks by their cages they jump up and down and bark as if that will get more people to take them out, but it's the opoosite. It's intimidating, being surrounded by a bunch of jumping, barking dogs. When you leave they still howl. It's awful because you can see their good habits deteriorating. It's all about getting attention because they don't get enough. My favorite dog really liked to play fetch. I didn't take him outside, he was already out on the other side of the fence. He had a ball and I told him if he just dropped the ball on my side of the fense I could throw it for him, not expecting that he would be able to do it, but he did and he kept doing it. Then I had to leave. I felt awful.

Later I was tabling and I got a lot of people to sign the petition I was tabling for, which is really excellent, but there were these two first years that struck me. One signed the petition and said "I can't believe I've been here a month already" as if he wanted to have a conversation, but I called out to other people to sign the petition and he realized a talk wasn't going to happen and left. Another first year just hung aorund my table and started informing people about the petition, except he didn't know what he was talking about so the things that he said were wrong. He made me uncomfortable, but I felt bad because he's obviously really lonely. That's not the first time he's done things like that. The one and only Knox football game I attended he tried to get into a conversation I was having with an alumni that I knew. He didn't realize she had graduated. He's trying so hard and failing.

I've been avoiding the cafeteria. I like to make food for myself. Lately I've liked being by myself. Maybe not liked. Maybe lately I've been by myself, but I would rather be that way than other ways. I think: I am not actually like this, but if I am like this now, isn't that how I am? Either way I will be different later. When I leave here, next term. I just want to be somewhere new and taken as I am now, not as I was, not as who I am friends with. You know those friends that look like each other? I've never had a friend like that. I want a friend who looks like me and we can do similar things together.

I just want to lie in bed and drink tea and listen to music.

I've had the window to post a blog open for hours. I wonder what I meant to say when I opened it.

Why is it always a question of planets with me?

I'm broke and my debit card is expired. This was bound to happen eventually.

I was mostly social this weekend. It was mostly fun. Nothing spectacular.

I want something spectacular.

I really do think people are good. I've always thought that. That's why it kills more more than anything when I lose faith in people, because I don't want to, because I don't think they are actually like that. I just want to love everyone and I want it to be easy, but it can't be.

I kept writing posts and then I decided to make a video as this is a novel thing.

I want to be doing well because other people are doing well.

Sometimes the thoughts in my head congeal into nonsensical words and phrases. You know, like emotion.