Things are going to be okay eventually. I feel like I keep writing that over and over again, but really, I mean it. The problem is that I'm not sure of the definition of okay and how long I've been not okay for.

For a period in my life I thought the definition of okay was being able to sit in my room by myself and not have a panic attack (I just get overwhelmed you know, with all the thinking). I can do that. In a mindless sort of manner that I hate.

But yesterday was really truly awful for awhile and I felt miserable, but then I felt better and that was good. I felt better in such a good way too. I felt appreciated. Feeling appreciated is such a nice feeling. People don't appreciate each other nearly enough. Instead of "I love you," we should say, "I really appreciate the fact that you are here and we share things." Any ways, multiple people made me feel appreciated and it was so nice that I just felt nice about everyone and I love feeling nice about everyone. I appreciate feeling nice about how appreciative everyone is.

Maybe my emotional variance is coming back.

I needed a break, I think. I just felt too sad and too happy and my body couldn't tolerate it anymore. I hope that my emotions are coming back now though. I would like to have fun again.