Everything is constructed.

I had a lot more to say about this five hours ago, but I started to feel this horrible sense of despair. I feel like my whole life I've been told, "things are this way," and then I realize that nothing is really any way, it is only our saying what it is that makes it that way. It's not like a conclusion I just reach today or anything. I just used to like things that weren't abstract a lot, like material objects, not like in a materialistic sort of sense, but any sort of thing I could touch or see or smell, but now all of that has stopped feeling real too. I'm not sure why. It started lying in bed one night when my bed started feeling distinctly not real. Lying in bed by myself always makes me think of lying in bed with other people and I was thinking about that and then I tried to comfort myself with the solidity of my bed, because people aren't solid at all, not really, and then it occurred to me that my bed was also not solid and I was purely constructing it out of the want for it to be there. Them all of my thoughts began to seem absurd.

Something more absurd: I'm meeting with a potential real-sorority in 12 minutes. I feel like they can tell I don't like Greek life from the look on my face. I bet you are wondering why am I doing this if I don't like Greek life. It's because I'm bored too much and lonely too much. I know, they are shitty reasons.