Okay, so this was going to be completely different.
I have now been to all the frats on campus which only took me until my senior year to complete, except I hate going to the frats and I dance and it all seems wrong and then I question my femininity because I don't dance like that, I don't rub up against boys the right way at frat parties because I don't like any of the boys there and if I did, they would be the wrong boys. So I go and dance and my hips dance and the rest of me is in my head and my hips probably don't look very good because the rest of me is somewhere else and I like my entire body to be in the same place.
I keep thinking I want something different. On Friday I saw the play "Kitty Kitty Kitty" and there were lots of masturbating clones cats having sex with one another and yet I could relate when Kitty Kitty lay on the floor and said "Something needs to change," because I said that on Thursday at Jazz Night. Life is becoming an echo of itself and this means it will change, I have to make it change.
SOMETHING NEEDS TO CHANGE.
I'm sick of feeling like everything is wrong and everyone is wrong. I am going to make it so that everything is right, but right not necessarily being good, but right and everyone being right in that it's just right, you just know. It all seems to be based on feeling lately. Like "this feels right, even though it's obviously not." I don't care about realism or logic or anything. I'm going on feeling for right now. I'm going to do what I feel and what I feel usually leads me to feeling awful, but at least it's better than this, better than the lying in bed apathy that I have.