I went to the Humane Society today and walked dogs. I wish it wasn't so sad. Whenever anyone walks by their cages they jump up and down and bark as if that will get more people to take them out, but it's the opoosite. It's intimidating, being surrounded by a bunch of jumping, barking dogs. When you leave they still howl. It's awful because you can see their good habits deteriorating. It's all about getting attention because they don't get enough. My favorite dog really liked to play fetch. I didn't take him outside, he was already out on the other side of the fence. He had a ball and I told him if he just dropped the ball on my side of the fense I could throw it for him, not expecting that he would be able to do it, but he did and he kept doing it. Then I had to leave. I felt awful.

Later I was tabling and I got a lot of people to sign the petition I was tabling for, which is really excellent, but there were these two first years that struck me. One signed the petition and said "I can't believe I've been here a month already" as if he wanted to have a conversation, but I called out to other people to sign the petition and he realized a talk wasn't going to happen and left. Another first year just hung aorund my table and started informing people about the petition, except he didn't know what he was talking about so the things that he said were wrong. He made me uncomfortable, but I felt bad because he's obviously really lonely. That's not the first time he's done things like that. The one and only Knox football game I attended he tried to get into a conversation I was having with an alumni that I knew. He didn't realize she had graduated. He's trying so hard and failing.

I've been avoiding the cafeteria. I like to make food for myself. Lately I've liked being by myself. Maybe not liked. Maybe lately I've been by myself, but I would rather be that way than other ways. I think: I am not actually like this, but if I am like this now, isn't that how I am? Either way I will be different later. When I leave here, next term. I just want to be somewhere new and taken as I am now, not as I was, not as who I am friends with. You know those friends that look like each other? I've never had a friend like that. I want a friend who looks like me and we can do similar things together.

I just want to lie in bed and drink tea and listen to music.