I like to pretend I am a snooty academic. This is not to say that I am not a snooty academic, for I certainly am. I like to get into conversations about literature, and art and all sorts of snooty, upper middle class academic sort of things that have no application in the real world. Sometimes though, just sometimes, I like to read books like Bridget Jone's Diary. When going through a break up last spring I sat on the couch in Julia's apartment, ordered a pizza and sat on the couch watching 30 Rock with a tub of ice cream until the pizza came and then continued eating ice cream once the pizza was gone.  Luckily, here, I cannot order pizza online for delivery (if I cannot be bothered to call and order pizza in a country where I speak the language fluently, the idea that I would call here is completely absurd) and thus I make food so instead of staring at myself in the mirror, wondering why I had to eat all the pizza and all the breadsticks and all the ice cream and watch all the television shows in existance, I spent approximately 5 seconds in the mirror this morning feeling pleased and wondering if I have lost weight, which is something I rarely think. I've lost my point. What I was saying was, sometimes I like things like Chick lit and romantic comedies.

I like to pretend I am not a conventional person. I have never been under the illusion that I am pretty in any conventional sense and thus when people find me attractive, it's some sort of fluke. I talk about how I don't want to get married for a long time, how I don't want to live in the suburbs, I don't care about money. I do believe these things most of the time. Sometimes though, like last night, I get these horrible desires to live in a house in the suburbs. There is some sort of bland suburban-type man in the picture. Someone who is blindly devoted not out of deep love, because having a lot of love makes things really complicated, but because this is what people do. Writing will be some sort of charming hobby. I want to own a mini-van. Boys always tell me I am "sweet" and "cute." I don't particularly want to be these things. It reveals a horrible vulnerability inside of me and I think this is why all my relationships end so quickly, because this vulnerability is scary to people, though I explain, countless times, I am perfectly okay by myself. I think I was born one way and I want to be something completely different.

This is what I have looked like all week. Only I sit around in a wife beater, shorts, and a hoodie.