I can say now, in the morning with the sun coming into my window and making me really warm, and my body really tired because I was up too late last night, that if I don't get either of the things I applied for, I will be okay. Myself will remain intact. Do you ever feel like if certain things happen your entire body will just cease to exist? It's not really a conscious thing, but more like I can't imagine myself existing if something happens or doesn't happen. But I will.