When I like boys that like music I can't listen to music without thinking about them. When I like boys that speak German I start liking the German language a lot. When I like boys who read books, I can't read books without thinking of them.

I need to stop liking boys who like things that I like. I am ruining the world for myself. I want to share every single page that I read and it's all really stupid. I feel like I'm in seventh grade and spent all summer liking a boy and go back to school to realize I am a complete nonentity to him (this happened).

Last night, while drunk, I decided it's good that I'm not coming back to Austria next year, because I don't write here and writing should be the most important thing. Somehow in the U.S. I was always almost able to convince myself of this. It's harder here. Writing seems less relevant, less of a real thing. Maybe this is why I am into writers more than I normally am and I normally am a lot. I watch Jess on Gilmore Girls and salivate. Dylan Thomas is my desktop background. I just need people to make it real.