I think he thinks he's a joyous person, but the way the mood shifts around him is not that of joy, but discomfort. A reassurance: I'm glad you were a bad decision that didn't work out.

I move through life and it's easy enough. Picture calmness. I go to sleep and it's easy.

Life in it's entirety, for you a disillusion. To think this whole time you thought you were smart.