Upset like no other.

Looking back at Austria it looks like
loss
loss
sleeping
sleeping
loss
drunk
loss
loss
drunk
sleeping
loss


And now I come home and am really happy most of the time until I am blatantly reminded by the things that are gone and I don't want any advice like "you'll feel better" or "be optimistic" because it will really only make me angry and actually I am not doing poorly it is only when I am reminded of all my stuff in trash bags in the basement (which is no longer true as I have moved it all back upstairs) that I begin to cry endlessly and think about my cat and dog and house and I keep trying to explain to my dad and he just says "What is it from your room that you want?" and I just can't explain, because it's not one thing, I just want home, I want home preserved the way it was. My dad told me today that I'm at the age where I can't have that anymore, but I think I will always want that. I just need people to be patient with me. I will move out of this selfish "my life is really hard right now because things keep going away" phase soon.