"Oh crap you're going to write another blog, aren't you," says my brother.
"Yes," I say. "I am writing another blog."
"What do you ever write in your blog?"
"Right now I am writing 'Oh crap you're going to..."
"Oh god, you aren't actually going to post that shit are you?"


I think I watch too much TLC. But I can't help it, my intials are TLC, I am tender loving care, the learning channel, the learning company, Kashi brand cookies and granola bars, and a girl group that sings about not wanting scrubs, and in a bizarre way I think my initials make perfect sense.

Lots of thoughts here.

1. The Duggars have courtships and get married young because that is their way of protecting themselves. My version of protecting myself is complaining about the focus our society has on monogamy and marriage and how we should love everyone. I do this because I believe it and I believe if society had less focus on finding that one person to love you and only you, we would be less bothered by the fact that most people do not love just one person. I don't love just one person. I do in fact find many people attractive. Yet, despite everything I tell myself and everyone around me, part of me still wants to be singled out as being special.

2. During lunch today we were talking about empathy and studies they do on people with autism and people who have lost limbs. Physical and emotional empathy are very connected. I am a very empathetic person. I hate it when people label themselves at being "very" something, but I am. One time my mom bought coffee mugs and they broke in the car and I started crying because it upset me so much that my mother was upset. This is why when I see someone upset, it upsets me for days. Or why when people do something that makes me angry, I always look it from their perspective and realize that I shouldn't be angry, even when I should. The interesting thing about human empathy is that it's immediate and engrained, except not in people with autism. In animals it's learned. They learn what others' anger and sadness is. I think empathy is part of what makes me so passive and emotional, but I don't think it's entirely bad.

3. I've written before about how we are on planets. Except this summer I have been coming back to Earth. I have a range of emotions. Instead of just blank, I feel a lot of things. I had a moment tonight where I thought, "just when I was coming back to Earth to be with everyone, I had to be sent back to space, floating." I am hoping that I won't go back out to space and I can stay here.

4. I've written before about how trust issues feel stupid. But I do have trust. And if any of you break my fucking trust I am going to be really upset.

But you know, I never really stay mad at anyone, so you could probably get away with it, it would just be a shitty thing to do.

5. I will be okay. I am always okay. Just so you know, you know? No matter what. Even if all the things I don't want to happen, happen. That already happened to me this year, remember?

6. Back to the Duggars.

Harry Potter also equates marriage and relationships to happiness.

I want to believe that's not true.

7. I just want to add to my list at this point.

8. Oh, I realized one reason why people are religious today while I was watching Harry Potter. So Harry was fighting Draco, right, and it was epic and exciting and I thought "I never have fun adventures like this, my type of adventure is completely different and much less consequential." Then I realized, if you are religious, then you are fighting a constant battle of good versus evil all the time and everyone could potentially be the evil and you have to save them all. It creates a world that doesn't really exist.

9. I want a different world, one that is quite opposite from the religious world. I can't use the words to describe my world. They look like they should be printed on a tye-dye t-shirt and smoked in rolling paper.