Here is what would be ideal:

I wouldn't really care much about anything.
I could become a business major.
I would be a capitalist.
I could date and marry someone rich.
I could spend my free time at home, in front of my pool or on my yacht.

I think what occurred was this:

Two conflicting emotions hit each other
and it was like a thunderstorm in my entire body
and now the sides are fighting it out
but instead this will just make me feel awful about everything.