I love Parks and Recreation.

Tom: Luckily, when you're the guy, you can always tell people she's crazy.

This was so accurate! I have heard so many boys say this about so many girls and I know boys have said it about me and their general reasoning was that the girl had "feelings" and was "upset when we broke up."

Running went so much better today. I was able to run the entire distance I planned and I wasn't dying at the end. If I just keep running every day until I get home, maybe I will lose half a pound.

One of my chairs mysteriously came back while I was gone. My landlady is probably happy that I am leaving next week.

Mmmm I just got to take part in the English serving exam for 4th formers at the HLW (the HLW is a tourism school, but the HLW I work at also has other components like a HLK, which studies digital media). It was so wonderful! I had a four course meal complete with drinks and Austrian company and I get to do the same tomorrow. Wonderful.

Life feels good now that it's Monday and I have things to do and am going to Vienna on Wednesday for a movie night. It will be nice when I am in the US and don't have to travel for 2 and 1/2 hours to watch movies with other people.

Running was a bust. I hate running. I have weak ankles, bad knees, I'm pigeon toed, my body is not built to do that sort of exercise. My body is built for making babies. I have wide hips, boobs, that sort of thing. I don't feel better at the end. I spend the entire time thinking and being miserable. I am so out of shape that part way through the run I stopped and felt like vomiting so I sat down and stared at the Stadtpark and it's pretty flowers and thought for a long time about how even after months of living here I don't feel comfortable. I don't feel comfortable at home, in the grocery store. I don't even feel comfortable sitting in the park. It's different for some people. Some people can go anywhere and instantly feel comfortable. It's not like this for me. It takes me a long time to adjust and I still haven't adjusted yet. I need to leave. I am now very motivated to be somewhere that I have access to an elliptical machine. 

I am dying of boredom. Almost literally dying. Going to go running soon. Sadly boredom does not make me very productive.

Going to Salzburg to hang out with William and his family. I am hoping to turn my dreary last week and a half into something better.

I am going to make everyone really uncomfortable and be really upset for awhile. I get to be upset. My cat, my dog, and my house are gone. My mother is batshit insane. I should stop feeling like I need to justify my feelings.

David Foster Wallace would understand how sad I am about my dog. He really liked dogs.

What the fuck.

I was wondering how I would see my dog and not see my mother or where she lives. At least I don't have to worry about that now. I can just not see my mother. Because she lost my house and my dog and can't find my bed. Who loses a bed?

I have this fear that my Grandma, my one remaining grandparent, will die while I am in Austria and no one will tell me. Thank god there's only a week and a half left. I can't deal with losing things anymore. I think this is why I've started pushing boys away all the time, which is not typical behavior of me.

I'm starting to make people uncomfortable when I talk about my life.

My dog is gone. I hate my life. Not gone like dead, but gone like not living with my mom. My cat is gone. My dog is gone. My house is gone. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I really hate my landlady. Really don't like her. I didn't think I was a person who needed privacy, but apparently I am. I really don't like it when random people burst into my apartment without warning and start giving an apartment showing. What if I were naked? I'm going to start being naked all the time to make her really uncomfortable when she comes into my apartment without knocking.

Rainy days always sound like my cabin. I've been telling my dad for years that it rains more there and he always says, "No, I think it rains the normal amount." I always think of it as a place I am meant to be more than other places.

Yesterday morning I woke up with one of those terrible shocks, wondering where I was and what had happened as I did not recall going to sleep. Luckily I was in my own bed after having too much to drink (I remember happily getting out of the taxi and stumbling into my apartment, but after that everything goes sort of dark). This overindulgence led me to be hungover for the entire day, unable to move. Luckily I found my internet working and watched what feels like 10000 episodes of Weeds and managed to prepare myself food. I found soup a surprisingly good hangover food. While I was making it I kept going "Mmm tasty" (I was still a little drunk when I woke up) and scarfed the entire bowl down and was unable to eat my sandwich, one of my favorite foods, because it made me feel sick having to swallow something that solid. The nice thing about being hungover, it that it provides an excuse for doing nothing and as I have nothing to do, I needed that excuse. However, I am abstaining from the drink probably until I go home unless some marvelous event comes up.

I went to use the internet and it didn't work. Now I am pissy and homesick. Anger makes me tired. I bought an overpriced book of sudoku for something to do.